Roxanne’s Trick For Beating Insomnia Is Foolproof And Strange

Well it’s not my trick, per se. I didn’t come up with it. I read about it online. But it IS foolproof!

I gotta set up the scenario, first, so you can understand how desperate I was for a good night sleep.

I haven’t had a good night of uninterrupted sleep for seven months. About midway through pregnancy, you start the middle of the night peeing thing. And it just gets worse and worse up until delivery. Then the newborn arrives and kiss your sleep bye-bye. Two months into it when I thought, “Okay, making some headway. My daughter has one middle of the night feeding so that is bearable,” next thing you know I’m back to work and the relentless alarm goes off at an ungodly hour so that I can get to work in time for our 5:40 A.M. news break (and not come in so hot that I sound out of breath on-air). Sleep has been my absentee lover for far too long. Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, things got worse.

My second week back to work, my hubby had to go out of town. We are a machine when he is home (not always fine-tuned, but high-horsepower). We both work, so we both do things to take care of our girls. While he was on his trip, I realized how much he does to help make it all work. Well, we got it done without him, but here’s how my sleep got worse. I’d get the girls down, sleep for about three hours, wake up for the midnight feeding, finish around 1, get back in bed. And then I would just stare at the ceiling for the next 3 hours until my alarm would go off. I COULD NOT FALL ASLEEP. And for those who’ve experienced insomnia, it’s lonely, scary and exhausting. But even though I was so tired, my mind wouldn't be quiet. “Whoops. I didn’t read and research all the ingredients on my face cream. Could it have an ingredient that’s bad for breast-feeding?” “Did I load my show into the system correctly at work?” “Did I pay for my daughter’s recital costume? Do I need a costume? It is Mommy and Me.” And once I'd gone through the infinite checklist of my spheres of responsibility, then I'd worry about all things I have no control over. Coronavirus. National Debt. Taliban. Sea Turtles. And then I'd dig into maybe not as globally consequential issues but still problems, nonetheless. "How much money have I passed on not using my CVS receipt cash back offers?" "Why is the lighting so bad in the dressing rooms at XYZ department store? Are they trying to sell clothes or get people to stab themselves in the dressing room?" And the background music for all of this? The hum of my breast pump. Not because I left it on, but because that irritatingly hypnotic noise is stuck in my head ALL THE TIME.

Four nights of this. I started to cry easily and I got crazy. (And I looked crazy. You can confirm with my co-workers. They don’t call it beauty sleep for nothing.) The day hubby was coming home, my survival instincts kicked in. "I can beat this no-sleep problem. I can! I can!" I sent my doc a manic text about my problem and my plan. One thousand characters too many. (That’s an email, not a text, Roxanne.) But that’s what you do when you haven't slept. You over-communicate and make no sense. My text could have been summarized with: Doc, I can’t sleep. Can I take melatonin and pump and dump? Well, the answer was “No.”

Then some crazy thing popped into my kooky sleep-deprived brain. “Roxanne, didn’t you do a story in Three Things You Need To Know about how sleeping with your partner’s shirt (used, stinky shirt) is better than or on par with taking melatonin? Yes. I did.

You all know what’s next. Hubby comes home. I’m like, “Here are your children. I’m going to bed.” I grabbed one of his (freshly worn) golf shirts, jumped in bed, and rather than being disturbed by my babies (hubby did the nighttime feeding for me), I slept like a baby! It was amazing! My co-workers will attest to my rapid change in mood after a solid, straight 7 1/2 hours. My first night logging a chunk of sleep like that since August! I almost got too much sleep! IMAGINE SOMEONE WRITING IN ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME. Kind of annoying, right!? I think that's how my co-workers felt about me. "Maybe get about six hours, Roxanne. You're a little too happy now."

But seriously, sleep is the make or break factor. My mentality is so much better when I know I've gotten an acceptable amount of zzz's. Sleep makes us think better, feel better, and have a can-do attitude. It keeps us mentally and physically healthy.

So what's the science behind the sweaty shirt? Sounds gross. Well, it has something to do with pheromones, and if it's pheromones from your significant other, you're going to feel calmer and get better, deeper sleep. For me, it was better than melatonin, and I didn't feel a bit groggy the next day. As long as your partner wears deodorant and showers regularly, I would recommend trying it if you have sleep troubles.