Just in time for back to school, one of today’s Early Morons in the News is about a Citrus County teacher arrested for drug trafficking. Roxanne thinks she remembers when she sent out her first text. What was MJ’s beef with how texting used to be?

A video went viral after a woman posted herself licking items at grocery stores because she thinks it helps her immune system. Apparently, there’s a man in Ybor City that licks the bottoms of people’s shoes, but not for different reasons. Fester made Coop self-conscious about his chin. Coop tells the rest of the gang about the new exercises he’s been doing.

There’s an update on Fester’s T.V. situation. Will he be able to return it? MJ also has a dilemma with a Best Buy gift card. Listeners tell him what he should do with it. There is a lead on a lost pup, and Fester might be able to find its owner.